Checking In

Posted by cafevic
November 18, 2013 Checking In Leave a Comment

A Monday MidDay Check in

Reading: During the day: Facebook. Sometimes, I will find myself getting lost in the articles friends post. At night: Jane Porter’s ‘The Good Wife” the last of the Brennan Sisters trilogy and “Mommy’s Rescue Guide Getting Your Baby to Sleep” by Cynthia MacGregor.
Watching: My husband running around the house fixing things during his lunch hour.
Listening to: My father in-law singing to the girls.
Thankful for: The scent of Olive Oil and Balsam (sweet smelling ointment) used to bless the girls yesterday at their baptism. I love that I can still smell it on them and on my scarf.
Looking forward to: Cooking my first Thanksgiving Dinner. I will miss my sister’s cooking though. She really knows how to cook an amazing Thanksgiving meal. And she does it all from scratch.
Sam Update: If Sam was home right now and not at school, I would be hearing his latest mantra “I need a friend”. He is at that stage where he knows what it is like to enjoy others company. A few weeks ago, I even had him Skype with an old classmate.
Twin lesson: Keep walking. I had much house work to do this morning, but instead, I layered the girls up and went for a walk. So glad I did.
Meaning of Home: Gatherings. Our new home has such great energy and comes alive when family and friends are here. This past weekend, I had my husband moved our living room furniture around to open up the space for our baptism party and it worked.  When you create space for others to gather great memories will form. And the best part was we created chairs out of the most random things so everyone could be at the table.

Feel so much calmer when I get a chance to write. Now, I can start on that house work :)

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The Back Burner

Posted by cafevic
October 13, 2013 1 to 3 Motherhood, My Year Off Leave a Comment

“In attempting to having it all, never forget that if we don’t have love, joy, peace, tranquility and an ability to be truly present in our lives that we don’t have it all anyway. We really don’t have anything.” -Carolyn Anderson, June. 26, 2012, “Why Women still Can’t have it All (at the Same Time)” Huffpost.

It’s the morning after our housewarming/welcome our twins party. I’ve got iTunes Radio Jazz playing in the background, my son Sam chilling in his room, the husband out picking up the Sunday paper. The dining room table is filled with left over dips, bread and Cheetos bowls. The twin girls are sound asleep in their bouncers next to me. Leaning in to motherhood has given me more than I ever imagined.

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Checking In From Our New Home

Posted by cafevic
October 4, 2013 1 to 3 Motherhood, Checking In, Meaning of Home Leave a Comment

Reading: About to finish Jane Porter’s˜The Good Daughter” part of the Brennan Sisters trilogy. Next one up is her latest “The Good Wife”. Last night, I found a few minutes to read while waiting for a girl friend for dinner. You know you have found your comfort zone when you can bring a book with you as you wait for a friend.
Watching: Sam run around in our new backyard. This is something that has been missing from this little guys life. You can tell by the huge smile he has when he is out there.

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Being home in time to play soccer.

Posted by cafevic
September 30, 2013 My Year Off, Twin Motherhood Leave a Comment

Today my son started a new preschool. It also was the first time I’ve picked him up from preschool as early as 3pm. Early enough to get some afternoon playtime with him. Before today, my usual pick up time was 5:30. Then I would rush home and get dinner going, maybe some play time, etc. As weird as it might sound, our twin girls have really slowed down time and given us the chance to see how precious anytime we have with our children is. Before the twins came into our lives, I was ready to have another baby and then take a few months off and then send both my kids back to day care/preschool full time. Now, I am experiencing being a stay at home and sending my son to preschool part-time. With the help of my in-laws and my husband working in a field he loves, together we can give our children some extra time with us before they get too big. It’s not going to be for long, but I can tell right now, I’m really glad I’m having this experience and that I’m home in time to play soccer.

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My Year Off

Posted by cafevic
September 9, 2013 My Year Off, Student Affairs in Action Leave a Comment

4 1/2 months into my year off as a stay at home mom with twin girls

How do you really take a year off?

If someone offered you a year off from your job, would you take it? What do you think you would need in your life to really take a year off? Lose a job? Earned some extra money? For me, it was having twin girls and my husband and I deciding not to send them to daycare. I’m 4 1/2 months into my year off and I’m discovering a whole lot about myself. As part of my professional and personal blog, I would like to share this journey with you. I am hoping with writing about it, it will help me to stay present and learn something new about myself and help you too.

The last time I took a year off was my junior year of college when I went on National Student Exchange. Even though I was still in college, if felt like a year off from my regular school life. I attended Rhode Island College and as I look back at my life today, all I can say is thank God I had that experience. So many familiar feelings are coming back. When I decided to take a year off from work to be home with my twin girls, I thought, I can do this! I’ve been working in student life for 13 years. In higher ed, faculty can apply for sabbaticals and on some campuses, so can student affairs professionals. For my district, the one chance I was going to have was taking a 1 year maternity leave.

I will be honest, the first 4 1/2 months have been hard. I’m experiencing a lost of my life before the twins. Having twins is a lot for anyone to take on. The biggest challenge I have faced is identifying myself as a mom first. When I look back, it seemed I would talk more about my work, my students first. Now, I share about my girls, my son Sam, my family, and our new home we are about to move into. Then I have to stop and hope that is enough for the person I am talking with. I have to hope it is enough for me too. Some days it is. Some days I miss talking about the college experience. I miss advising my students. But then, I pick up one of my girls and she smiles and laughs and I think, I wonder what I will teach her.

So, how do you really take a year off? Here are a few lessons I’ve learned so far:

1) Stop checking your work email. I know.. I know.. I had to let my mail box go to full to really stop checking it.

2) Stop checking your Work Facebook. Especially for student affairs crew. Your students will be fine and you will advise again.

3) Move off campus. Even though I look out my apartment windows and can only see the baseball fields, I still have to drive by campus on my way out. I can’t help but think of work. Happy to share, we will be moved off campus by the end of September.

4) Pay attention to what is triggering you to think about work. For me, it has to be this new Lean In movement. Even though I am leaning into motherhood right now, I still think about what Sheryl Sandberg wrote in her book Lean In about women choosing to stay home vs sending your child to daycare. Her research showed that investing in daycare will pay off more in the long run than saving money on daycare by staying home. It’s when you are at work that people will see you and offer you more money. If they don’t see you, then they might forget about you.  I wish I could tell her that being a twin mom is hard and way different than taking care of one baby. I am no where ready to go back to work. I know because I’ve already experienced having one child who I sent to daycare at 4 1/2 months. Can I get a break for being a twin mom?

5) Do not be afraid to enjoy your new life. If you do find yourself with a year off to spend with a new baby or get to work on a new project, don’t be afraid to enjoy your new life because your life will never be the same. You are going to learn a lot! Some will be exciting and some will feel unfamiliar. You might even wonder where your old self went. Then you will have a moment when someone asks you when you will be going back to work and you will finally be proud to share you are taking a year off. After 4 1/2 months, I think I’m finally there. Let your year off be enough for you right now. Just think of how much more life experience you will bring to your students, to your campus after your year off is over. More than you ever imagined.

6) And give yourself an outlet to write or reflect on this year off.  It could be a journal. A blog. I’m amazed how taking these last 2 hours to write this post has given me the peace I needed. Thank you for reading.

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Bucket List

Posted by cafevic
August 27, 2013 Life Leave a Comment

1) Give a TedTalk
2) Work at a University
3) Run for public office
4) Take my kids to Disneyland
5) Take my kids to the Grand Hyatt in Kauai
6) Host a baby shower/house warming party in our new house
7) Travel to Spain
8) Walk some part of the Appalachian Trail
9) Walk the Santiago De Compostela
10) Be there for my parents

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Lollipop Moments happening at Canada College

Posted by cafevic
August 23, 2013 Student Affairs in Action, Twin Motherhood Leave a Comment

While on maternity leave
To connect or not to connect. To check your work email or to not check your work email. As I take this year off, I’m curious why I tend to check my work email? What is it that leads me to take a moment out of being a “mom” to see what is happening at work. I think it comes back to my love to connect. In my field of Student Affairs and working on a college campus, a day doesn’t go by that you find yourself connecting with another person. The connection could be a piece of advice, encouragement, or teaching them something new. I imagine it happens to all of us, where ever you may spend your day. As I write this, I am encouraged even more to connect with my daughters and fellow mothers.

However, this past week was the first week of the fall semester. For me, it was the first fall semester in 13 years I wasn’t working. So there was a part of me that couldn’t let that moment of checking in on work email go by. I’m glad I did. I saw this message from the new college president Dr. Larry Buckley. He did not have to write this email but he did. He found time to remind the campus about a topic that was shared on Flex Day. It was about having an “lollipop moment”. I may not be “working” right now, but it feels good to know I’m still part of a great place. I checked out the TedTalk and college site. Nice work. Especially for teaching leadership beyond student government. I guess in a small way I had my own lollipop moment reading his email. Here is that email:

“Wed. Aug. 21, 2013, 2:18pm
Everyone,
Last week, at the District’s Opening Day event here at Canada, Diana Bennett shared a TedEX video that spoke to “Lollipop Moments” in which each of us become leaders whether we want to or not. Sometimes we become leaders and don’t even know we’re leading as we’re doing it!  Several people suggested that we post on our website, a Login in Your Lollipop Moment page. On such a page, you would have the opportunity to share your lollipop moments with your colleagues, students, and the whole of our community.
Take a few moments to watch the TedEX video http://www.ted.com/talks/drew_dudley_everyday_leadership.html about “Lollipop Moments” and then – if you’ve had a “lollipop moment” or two, or three – and you want to share them please do so at http://www.canadacollege.edu/inside/lollipopmoment.php
Visit the page periodically to see what your colleagues are positing.
Best,
Larry
Larry G. Buckley, PhD
President
Canada College
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Checking in

Posted by cafevic
August 16, 2013 1 to 3 Motherhood, Checking In, Meaning of Home Leave a Comment

Slowing down to check in. As I write, I can see the load of laundry and the baby bottles that need to be washed. It can wait. The girls are both asleep. This morning I want to write.

Reading: Remembered an author I enjoyed, Jane Porter who wrote ‘The Good Woman’. I looked her up and found that she had two other novels that are part of her Brennan Sisters trilogy. I’m reading the second one called: ‘The Good Daughter’. I love how the story takes place in the Bay Area mentioning places such as; Oakland, Santa Rosa and the coastal town of Capitola. Plus, this sister who is single living in a small old house that as she describes it reminds me of how before I was married, I would dream about living in an old house with hardwood floors and a front porch located where I could walk to the local cafe.

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There Really is Two of Them

Posted by cafevic
August 6, 2013 1 to 3 Motherhood Leave a Comment

As a new mom of twins, I have to share this realization I have at least once a day: “There really is two of them”
-When I am running out the door to take my son to preschool and I am carrying two car seats out the door. I say to myself, “there really is two of them”.
-When they are both crying and hungry at the same time, once again it hits me, “there really is two of them”.
-When I am walking down the street pushing our double stroller and a stranger looks over at me and realizes “there really is two of them” in there, I say yep, “there really is two of them”.

The funny thing is, I keep trying to remember what it was like when I only had one baby to care for. Now I’m impressed that I am keeping up two.

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